10 April 2021

From Darkness into Light... Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden

From darkness into light.... Kirstenbosch Botanical Garden
From Darkness into Light... Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden 
Personal Note: Friday at Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden (to turn sadness in happy moments - for being in the moment)

From darkness into light...

It was with eager anticipation that I prepared my camera bag for a morning session at Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden. I have not been there in more than a year - and at the time was left with sad memories of the most special person / and keen photographer I ever known (my biggest love) - which I have 'emotionally lost' soon after our last visit to Kirstenbosch. 

She (the most beautiful person ever in my life) is gone, the cognitive dissonance is dissipating, but the good / bad memories kept on lingering. I knew I had to go back to Kirstenbosch with real friends (with gratitude) to let the biggest Love in my live go - and I did so on Friday.

Update: Grieving the Loss of my Friend, Joseph Inns (is not the person described here)

In "Conversations with God", Neale Walsch writes something to this effect, what God said "When you meet your biggest Love, you will meet your biggest Fear". I grappled with this for the past 12 months. I became Fear.... and this was so profoundly true - in every breath I took. It took me months and months of working through personal conditioning efforts of (my own) neuroplasticity regimes to 're-wire' my brain for overcoming this particular Fear.

On a glorious and fresh sunny Friday morning I went back to Kirstenbosch with one of my photography club friends, Karen Donaldson, (a dear friend of mine for many years and also a friend of my best friend, Joseph Inns, who is now very ill - I've never been to Kirstenbosch with either of them).

I had one of the very best mornings ever at Kirstenbosch, free to roam the gardens and to think about love, life and to share the crispness of the beautiful morning with a real friend.

Blessed with God's Gifts of nature and real, true and good people in my life.

I've had the greatest support over the last 6 - 8 months to get my mojo as photographer and person back. It will be unfair to identify any individual in my healing, but you know who you are. Some of of you I unfriended from Facebook, because any reminders of her which was hurting me to the core. But, I will never forget you, your words, your wisdom, to carry me back into the true light of life and photography.

An for a very special lady: you gave me 'the little gold nuggets' to rebuild my life. You've listened to me for hour after hour here in my Blu-C studio. I'm forever grateful for your professionalism, wisdom, patience, love and care.

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My thoughts on Loss: Love vs Fear (in response to a comment I received on Facebook)
"When we lose good people that were close to us the loss / pain is almost incomprehensible to self and in explanation to others. I lost my mother in March 2017 and it took me a few years to overcome this loss. Today I cherish her life and am thankful for the legacy she left with her good values, gratitude and unconditional love.

When you lose somebody (death or otherwise) that were severely compromised in the application of basic values, healthy emotions and expectations the 'wound' can take forever to heal. IMHO = if you lose somebody in Love the mourning and healing is a sad, but healthy process vs if you lose somebody in Fear (due to abuse and emotional disconnect), the mourning and healing is a long drawn out process that runs wild and toxic (in the mind).

There is no legacy, there is no 'statue' in the mind for them. I had to learn new ways to deal with my thoughts and today am grateful to let somebody go that I thought I will never forgive for the hurt et al. But, I was taught (over months) to let her go in peace"

"The last 6 - 8 months were indeed my biggest learning curve in my entire life. Nothing I was taught at university in 7 years with psychology / decision-making / strategic planning, et al assisted in closure - and the fact that I lectured all these subjects - nothing really assisted me in finding a personal "solution" for moving on. The essence was the fact that I went into the 'darkness' with no torch / no light and learned about myself - in honesty and fairness of who I was, want to be, will be, can / could be...

The rawness of this became a poignant realisation and acceptance of the true self. The authentic self .... not in relation to others first, but to the self first. This does not mean I diminish the roles others play in my life, their roles are huge - when they are 'healthy' individuals..."

From darkness into light... Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden
"Understanding the true impact of Light only now" Kirstenbosch Botanical Garden

Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden Website